marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
