The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
