White coat. Heels.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
