Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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