somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
