Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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