They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
