Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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