U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
