so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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