I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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