im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize