I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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