Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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