We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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