dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
