he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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