I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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