I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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