Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
