well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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