Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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