I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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