Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
