Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
