you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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