Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
