To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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