I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dick very happy bro
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
