Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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