I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
