I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
