It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Text me some of your sweat
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