all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
