i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
