This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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