lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
