Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
