I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
