I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
time to smoke my breakfast
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
