Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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