Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
