I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
