I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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