Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
