I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
