What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
