i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
