now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
are you so shy because you have an std?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
