I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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