i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
