Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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