girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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