mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize