you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
