My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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