watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
