I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
