I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
