i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
