I think my fart just growled at me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
