you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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