3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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