Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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