You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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