Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
