I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize