careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
