you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i've created a new STD.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
