I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
