I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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