Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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