No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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