Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
