Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Acid is not a monday night drug
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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