i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
