So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
