why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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