Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
