Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize