I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
