You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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