I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
