Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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