His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
