Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
