so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
