Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
