woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
