Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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