I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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