Need sex. Gaining weight.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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