u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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