i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
