Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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