The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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