Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
