Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
