so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
