I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize