I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
