I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize