Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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