i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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