Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
being pregnant is like rehab
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
