it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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