I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
