we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am mentally ready for anal.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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