$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize